Getting Over An Affair - How To Build Trust After Infidelity
You've cheated and been caught, and now you're wondering if your relationship can be saved. In my experience, the answer is yes...as long as you know how to build trust after infidelity. You can both start getting over an affair and getting on with your lives together, and I hope this article helps.
This isn't just talk -- it's from experience. I cheated on my husband and he forgave me...and we've been stronger ever since.
You didn't stray for no reason. Something about your relationship was causing you to feel uneasy, unfulfilled. Once you know what that was, you can start to fix things.
What was it about the person you cheated with that appealed to you? Did they seem exciting? Did they pay a lot of attention to you? Say things to you that you needed to hear? What drew you to this person is a sign of what's missing in your current relationship.
You wouldn't have cheated if you were happy with your relationship. That's not an excuse...just a reason.
Building trust can't happen unless the underlying problems are addressed. Couples counselling might help.
But just identifying the problem isn't enough. You have to take definite actions to fix those problems.
Rebuilding trust means more than talking about the right things. You have to start doing the right things.
Make (and keep) small promises. This goes a long way to positioning you as trustworthy, Even if it's just promising to walk the dog every morning. If you show that you can be trusted with little things, it eventually builds confidence with your partner that you can be trusted overall.
Understand and be patient with your partner's constant need for reassurance. You will have to apologize more than once, and deal with their anger and hurt. Let them express their feelings and don't argue about them. Before they can forgive you, they need to get it all out...and you need to be willing to accept all of it, even if it hurts.
At the same time, don't take abuse. If your partner really won't let up or is guilt-tripping you, talk to them about it with compassion and without losing your temper. They are fragile and might not be thinking clearly. They need to know that you understand where they're coming from, so be understanding.
And finally, you need to discover the positive aspect of the affair. It's shone a light on your problems...which means you have the opportunity to fix them together. My husband and I discovered that my cheating made certain issues very clear, and allowed us to work on them together as a couple...and take our relationship to a more mature, secure level.
Getting over an affair isn't quick -- it takes time. But with the right actions, it can be done...and be easier than you think, And chances are, you'll be a stronger, happier couple as a result.
This isn't just talk -- it's from experience. I cheated on my husband and he forgave me...and we've been stronger ever since.
You didn't stray for no reason. Something about your relationship was causing you to feel uneasy, unfulfilled. Once you know what that was, you can start to fix things.
What was it about the person you cheated with that appealed to you? Did they seem exciting? Did they pay a lot of attention to you? Say things to you that you needed to hear? What drew you to this person is a sign of what's missing in your current relationship.
You wouldn't have cheated if you were happy with your relationship. That's not an excuse...just a reason.
Building trust can't happen unless the underlying problems are addressed. Couples counselling might help.
But just identifying the problem isn't enough. You have to take definite actions to fix those problems.
Rebuilding trust means more than talking about the right things. You have to start doing the right things.
Make (and keep) small promises. This goes a long way to positioning you as trustworthy, Even if it's just promising to walk the dog every morning. If you show that you can be trusted with little things, it eventually builds confidence with your partner that you can be trusted overall.
Understand and be patient with your partner's constant need for reassurance. You will have to apologize more than once, and deal with their anger and hurt. Let them express their feelings and don't argue about them. Before they can forgive you, they need to get it all out...and you need to be willing to accept all of it, even if it hurts.
At the same time, don't take abuse. If your partner really won't let up or is guilt-tripping you, talk to them about it with compassion and without losing your temper. They are fragile and might not be thinking clearly. They need to know that you understand where they're coming from, so be understanding.
And finally, you need to discover the positive aspect of the affair. It's shone a light on your problems...which means you have the opportunity to fix them together. My husband and I discovered that my cheating made certain issues very clear, and allowed us to work on them together as a couple...and take our relationship to a more mature, secure level.
Getting over an affair isn't quick -- it takes time. But with the right actions, it can be done...and be easier than you think, And chances are, you'll be a stronger, happier couple as a result.
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For more tips and actions you can take to build trust after infidelity and repair your relationship, visit www.SecondChanceAtLove.info
